Guys who practice crossdressing , latex lovers, foot fetishists or belly button fetishists … Most of them ever wonder whether to share their fetish with their partner.
Should I Tell My Partner That I Have A Fetish?
Many of these people, generally men, tell me about their difficulties when establishing relationships due to their fetishism , their fear of being discovered, the fear of not being understood, that their partner ends the relationship …
In addition, they often feel bad if they do not tell it since hiding it, keeping it totally secret generates feelings of anguish.
So Should It Or Should It Not Be Counted? How Do I Count It?
The Fear Of Starting A Relationship
Even today there are many false beliefs in relation to fetishisms. Currently known as paraphilias, they are what were once called sexual perversions and deviations and were included in diagnostic manuals, which made “sick” those who simply went outside what was considered the norm.
The result of this erotic-normative tradition is the expression in relation to feeling like “a weirdo”, one of the statements that I have heard most times from these people. And, above all, the fear of being labeled by others as freaks and being rejected for it. Hence, its difficulty to establish intimate relationships with other people and carry on a relationship as a couple. The fear that the other person will discover your fetish and leave you always arises.
Sometimes, as a previous step to the search for a relationship, it is necessary to go to a psychologist / sexologist to help put the emotions in order in relation to the fetish. Assume it, understand yourself, do not be ashamed of it, normalize it and, above all, talk to someone about it. The simple gesture of being able to free oneself from that secret, which is often carried in absolute solitude, is already a relief. In this way, it will always be easier to be able to relate to other people and seek the kind of intimacy that is desired.
The pros and cons of counting your fetishes
Those who ask me if they should tell their partner always get the same answer from me: that’s your decision. No one else can give a correct or incorrect answer, the only thing that is correct is what you decide.
As with sexual fantasies, no one should feel compelled to talk about something as intimate as their fetishes. They are something very personal that we can decide to share or not with another person, although we must take into account the effects of counting them.
Doing it or not doing it has its pros and cons and everyone must put it on the balance.
On the one hand, talking about it with your partner can be liberating and offers the other person the opportunity to share and enjoy this fetish in sexual relationships together. Both are important and necessary to be comfortable in a relationship. However, telling it can also result in the partner not understanding (or respecting) you and deciding to end the relationship. Although, sometimes, the latter is better than being with someone who does not respect our tastes.
On the other hand, not telling the couple implies the risk of being discovered, if these practices were carried out in secret (as is often the case) and the daily stress that this entails.
It is also necessary to see the degree to which this fetish affects the erotic life of the person: if it is something that is extremely important to share or is it more a fantasy that is only enjoyed with masturbation and there is no need to tell anyone about it.
How do you tell your partner that you have a fetish?
There are no perfect formulas that work for everyone. Anyone who knows your partner should know the best way to talk to her about this. However, here are some tips to keep in mind when telling it:
Talk about it gradually, testing the waters so that you can tell if your partner is open to this topic. Avoid letting it go suddenly and consider what would be the most opportune moment.
It offers information, articles , documentaries, everything that approaches the subject from a scientific and human point of view, that helps the other person to understand it better.
It approaches fetishism from a positive perspective, as an opportunity to get out of traditional erotica and include new practices that can be satisfactory and pleasant. If you manage to transmit this perspective to your partner, the fetish does not have to be a problem in the relationship, but it can be an extra to the moments of intimacy.
And finally, there is always the option of going to couples therapy. The right professional will be able to help and guide in this process, offering tools so that the couple can include or not the fetish in their sexual relations, so that both of you feel good about it.